The Birds and the Bees
by Tirainy
Summary: Apparently, when you are a hero that spends all the time foiling plans of Dr. Eggman, you don't have time for the Sex Ed class. But that still doesn't answer Shadow's question why is he the one that is supposed to give his fellow heroes the 'talk'.


**The Birds And The Bees**

Apparently, when you are a hero that spends all your time foiling plans of Dr. Eggman, you don't have time for the Sex Ed class. But that still doesn't answer Shadow's question why he is the one that is supposed to give his fellow heroes the talk.

 **Disclaimer:** **I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog or any related characters.**

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"Come on, Sunshine! Everyone's waiting!" Rouge said as she dragged her colleague into the living-room where everybody was already waiting for them.

'Sunshine', who was none other than Shadow, gave her a death glare, yanking his arm from her hold. "I hope that you're aware that you're going to pay for this."

"I'm sure that it'll be worth it," the bat replied as she seated herself on the sofa right next to Amy, a big smirk on her face now.

Shadow's scowl deepened but he didn't say anything back. Instead he turned to the other occupants of the room, wondering for a moment if some of them weren't little too young for the talk (Cream's and Charmy's case) and in some cases if they really were here to be lectured on how reproduction worked or to laugh at him—because how would Vector with his 20 years of age manage to avoid this topic for all his life?

(Seriously, was there anybody above age of 14 in this era that didn't know what sex was?)

Sonic and Knuckles were also here, but he guessed those two were here mostly to laugh at his misery and not to be educated. Wait, scratch that. Knuckles probably was there to be educated, because there definitely wasn't anybody on the Angel Island that could explain sex to him. So, he guessed that Sonic was the only one that came for the sole reason of laughing at his misery.

Well, if he didn't count Rouge.

And then there were the last ones, Amy and Tails, the only two that Shadow believed were cut out to have this talk.

"Let's get this over with..." The dark agent sighed as he sat down into an armchair across of his future audience, all of them looking eager to learn about 'adult' things. However, Shadow was sure their eagerness will soon be changing into a horror or disgust. Or maybe both. "You all came here to hear about how kids are made. The process is quite simple—when a man and woman decide they want a child they have an unprotected sex—"

"Unprotected sax? Nobody told me I have to buy some kind of protection for my saxophone if I don't want to have kids!" Vector shouted in panic, terrified he might have children he didn't know about.

"I said sex, not sax," Shadow replied, pinching the bridge of his nose to ease the oncoming headache. He was sure this wasn't the only unbelievably stupid thing he'd have to listen to today.

In the front line, Rouge snorted in amusement at his misery.

"And what is sex?" Tails asked, the inner scientist in him desiring to know the meaning of this unknown term.

However, just the next moment Rouge broke into a not-so silent laughing fit. Her dark colleague shot her another glare, this time annoyed one. "Do you mind?"

A mischievous glint appeared in Rouge's eyes. "Making a live demonstration with you? Of course not." She then made a move to stand up, but another glare from Shadow clearly warned her to not dare to move away from her chair even one more inch if she didn't want to deal with furious hedgehog—and so she sat back down, raising her hands in gesture of surrender. "Alright, no demonstrations."

Shadow sighed for what seemed to be the hundredth time today, wondering why he hadn't left at the very start of this lecture. "Sex is when..." the dark agent took a moment to formulate his thoughts before explaining how the process usually went.

Many kinds of reactions to this information followed. The ones that Shadow expected were:

"Eww!"

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"NO! J-j-just NO!"

"I'm never having sex!"

And also the one that he did not expect:

"Is it...painful?"

The moment this question was uttered, everybody in the room turned their eyes to its originator, all of them shocked that out of all people Cream was the one to ask this.

"Well..." Shadow cleared his throat, little caught of guard that the young rabbit was the one to ask such question. "There are few exceptions when sex can be painful, but in most cases sex isn't painful but actually a very pleasing activity for the couple."

"Do people make a lot of noise during it?" Cream inquired further, making Shadow wonder if this was just a childish curiosity or something else entirely.

"It depends on the couple—there are loud couples and quiet ones. But generally speaking people tend to be loud during it."

"Hmm..." Cream hummed, seemingly getting lost deep in thoughts for a moment before speaking up again. "...I think Mommy was trying to make me brother or sister last night then..."

Shadow blinked in surprise at the random information. Well, that answered at least one of his questions.

Though based on the amount of raised hands he had a load of questions to answer ahead of himself.

Shadow pointed to a random person, who happened to be Amy, the pink female immediately asking her question. "And how does the baby get out of the woman once it's too big?"

Shadow was sure that if his explanation of sex hadn't deterred the people before him from having children completely, his explanation of childbirth, which followed right after, was going to achieve that.

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 **AN: A quick short I wrote a long time ago. I hope you laughed at least a little!**

 **Reviews are always appreciated!**

 **[Last Edited: 2018-09-11]**


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